A Decision Needs To Be Made

Thank you so much to everyone who commented – thank you for the sweet words, and your beautifully written prayers. Thanks for your thoughts the last few days. You buoy my spirits more than you know.

Yesterday I had bloodwork and an ultrasound. The tech was very sweet and compassionate, and told me what she was seeing. She made it sound like my body had nearly completed the process on its own, for which I was very grateful.

This morning, my midwife called. She asked if anyone had talked to me about my ultrasound yesterday, so I shared with her what the tech told me. “Okay. Well. The radiologist who read the report didn’t agree with that.”

Really. Great.

It appears that I have retained blastocystic tissue, so I have three options. I can take the wait-and-watch approach, which involves taking my temperature often and having beta-level bloodwork done very 48 hours. The risk of infection is high, and I’d only be “given” a week to complete the miscarriage naturally. At that point, I’d be forced to chose from the other two options anyway.

I could choose to take the medication that induces contractions and forces the uterus to complete the miscarriage. I’d need to go in for two shots (in my butt-ocks, as Forrest Gump would say) a day for two days. The downside is that this produces extremely painful cramping, and it is not always completely effective. If that were the case for me, I’d end up with the third option whether I like it or not.

Last choice available: surgery. I could have an outpatient D&C. The negatives here are strong for me – I’d be under general anesthesia, so I would have a fairly long (for us) period of time during which I could not breastfeed NewDotBaby. So on top of post-op pain, I’d likely be rather engorged – and since I’d be on post-op pain meds, I’d likely also have to “pump & dump” for a day or more until all the medication was out of my system. I don’t think NDB would resist taking bottles, since he has them now for overnights anyway. But I’m concerned that I’d be in some physical discomfort, and I’m concerned that after 24+ hours without nursing, NDB might quit “cold turkey.” I don’t think my emotions could handle a sudden, unwanted weaning, on top of my feelings about losing a baby. It would just be too much.

An additional factor is NewDotDad’s insane schedule. It’s not as if he has any time off, or can just work from home for a few days (ie, if I took the medication or surgery routes). I’m still waiting for him to call me back to discuss this – he is in the OR so it could be a while – and it is all just swirling around in my head like a maelstrom of medical jargon and emotion. (Not a good combination, if you ask me.)

How about this: I’ll keep you posted if you keep me in your prayers. Deal?


5 Responses to A Decision Needs To Be Made

  1. Mrs. Chicken says:

    It goes without saying, but I’ll say it annyway.

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.

    NDD will surely find a way to help you, so choose the best option for you, not for his schedule.

  2. Mom23WildBoys says:

    I followed a link and followed another and came upon your blog. My heart is breaking for you. Please know that there are strangers out there praying for you. I have 3 children ages 11,6,3. #3 was my 8th pregnancy. Yep, I’ve had 5 miscarriages. Philippians 4:13 helped me every time. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”. But there were times that I would just break down and I didn’t want to be strong. I just wanted to hold that sweet baby that I felt move just days before.

    You and your family are in my prayers.

  3. MyKidsMom says:

    My heart is breaking for you…as I can only imagine yours is. I am crying right now, and I don’t even know you!!! I’ll pray for you, and for your family as you tell them, and for your sweet little boy. I imagine it’s soooo soooo difficult to understand/see the purpose in all of this, but try to remember Romans 8:28. And as far as what you do with your body right now, I agree with Mrs. Chicken. Do what you need to do for your own mental health right now…

  4. Alicia says:

    Of course, it’s a deal. Except that I’ll pray for you even without updates.

  5. MarillaAnne says:

    Oh Babe. I am so sorry to hear this. Of course you’re in my prayers.

    I’ve been near to where you are … and I still don’t have any magic words for you.

    God and time brings each of us to our own unique healing … for me it was reaching the point where I was okay with tears for the loss and joy for the good still around me … often in the very same minute and the very same reminders.


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