I’m sapped. My desire and will and effort to blog has been decimated by the holidays and first-trimester fatigue. I wake up and think, “I should blog today.” But the ideas for a good post – an idea that would be witty, or thoughtful, or reflective – are elusive. Ideas like that don’t come along often in a sleep-deprived brain, much less in a sleep-deprived, nausea-plauged, stressed-out one.
The other day was particularly bad. NewDotBaby is not adapting too well to our new nighttime plan (which is to bottlefeed him formula overnight, to give Mommy’s poor breasts a break for a few hours. My overall goal is to encourage him to nurse until at least 18 months, and in order to salvage our long-term nursing relationship, I had to make this compromise. He is not ready to nightwean (and a sippy cup of water offered after dark is like Kryptonite to this kid!) , so the bottle it is. We’re also trying to let NewDotDad take over a number of nighttime visits, at least when he’s not at the hospital – or recuperating from a 36-hour shift at the hospital – so that’s an on-again-off-again thing). As a result, it had been a fairly sleepless night for all of us, and then NDB decided to start the new day early. I couldn’t take it. I felt sick even lying down, but being upright, and interactive, would have pushed me beyond feeling sick to… actually doing something about it.
Remember all that stuff I said about TV? Apparently all my grand resolutions about limiting screen time (which, overall, has gotten better around here in the last month or so) fly out the window when confronted by exhaustion and the prospect of puking. I put a (new, Christmas present) Baby Einstein DVD on, flopped myself on the couch, and let it play. Really, NDB was a trooper. He watched the video intermittently, munched on Cheerios, walked over to me for a few hugs and kisses or to pat my cheek, loved on the cats, and generally entertained himself.
Eventually (after his nap, during which I got some real, uninterrupted sleep) I did redeem myself. We went out for a walk, visited the playground, went on the baby swings and down the slide, and had a great conversation about the sunshine and the wind and the leaves and the birdies and that cat that ran in front of the stroller. When we came home, we made dinner and ate together, and took a long splashy bath with Mommy blowing bubbles. So it was a 50/50 day – the first half was miserable, the kind of day I’m embarrassed to have – but the second half was a really lovely day of togetherness.
I’m in great hopes that when I hit the second trimester at the end of this month I’ll have a surge of energy like I did when I was pregnant with NDB. Until then, don’t be surprised if January is the anti-NaBloPoMo, with posts few and far between… and when they do appear, they are likely to be whiney. I’m just warning ya. Don’t give up on me though, chances are good that I’ll rebound and be back to my old bloggity self in a few weeks. Until then….