I’m turning into a hermit.
(And I feel like a hobbit, what with the short stature and the growing girth and the ugly feet, but that’s another post.)
I’ve always been introverted. On the big continuum, I think I’m in a pretty good place; definitely not a party animal who always needs company, but fun to have around all the same. And I usually make a handful of close friends wherever we live (I’ve done a lot of moving in my life, so I’ve finally mastered that skill) and happily spend time with them in various settings, be it purely social or through work or in my church.
But over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed myself unwilling to budge from my self-contained world. I’m at home all day, most days…. other days I run a few errands or attend a meeting or something. I have been enjoying this time to myself, and thinking how LUCKY I am to be one of those people who doesn’t always need to have others around to feel happy and fulfilled. Then it got worse. (Maybe not worse, I am not sure it’s a negative situation. But it has changed.) At this point, I’m not answering my phone (so if you know me, and you call me, please leave a message. I’ll call you back when I can handle society for the day.) and I’m not making any new plans for get-togethers, meetings, lunches, shopping, or any variation of the previous.
This could be part of pregnancy, I guess. I’m tending to blame the hormones since I’ve never pulled into my own shell QUITE this hard before (except that one time in high school, but I was depressed about a boy for pete’s sake, which was understandable and quickly over). I don’t want to see my coworkers (I miss my students, and thought about a visit to school on Friday before the break, but the proposition of having to interact with my colleagues and make boring, polite small talk and/or hear their own pregnancy, labor, and birth stories far outweighed any positives of the trip) and I don’t want to deal with my extended family. I love my mom & we still talk on the phone once or twice a week (give me a break, we’re friends! And it’s much better than when we talked daily!) but I had a cousin call me out of the blue and it was as though she was pulling out my toenails one by one! Torture! Horrors! Just get off the damn phone, will you!? (I should defend myself a tiny bit by mentioning that she is the white-trashiest member of the redneck subset of the family, and we haven’t seen each other in more than two years, so it’s not like I suddenly cut off a dear relative.)
So here’s the thing. I don’t know if I should push myself to be my normal, interactive, social, connected person, since if this is Hormonal, it is clearly As Nature Intended and Not To Be Messed With. 🙂 If I’m going to accept this new urge to be a happy little recluse, should I at least warn close friends and family? Or will that defeat the whole point of screening my calls and making excuses instead of making plans?